Everyone, not literally everyone, is said to have been persuaded to move to China by the prospect of linking up with Nicolas Anelka.
Speaking to Football Burp, Didier Drogba explained that ‘linking up with Nicolas Anelka’ is in fact football industry speak for ‘moving to China for a year or two and earning more money than you can possibly even conceive of’.
He said: “I cannot wait to link up with my old friend and team mate Nicolas Anelka.
“Of course we have often linked up in the past at Chelsea, and it was good linking up, but nothing like the linking up with Nicolas Anelka that’s on offer in Shanghai.
“When Nicolas came calling, I could not stop staring at the contents of that suitcase.”
Yakubu said: “At 48, I’m in the prime of life and I now feel open to the challenge of gorging myself on differently prepared chicken dishes.
“My Chicken Cottage tour of Portsmouth, Middlesbrough and Merseyside was a constant disappoint to me, and although the Venky’s hook-up at Blackburn Rovers was special to me I fear that relegation may impose austerity measures that would leave me hungering for a second serving.
“I trust that Guangzhou R&F will know some good places for a sweet and sour with special fried rice.”
In other news, defaulting to Anglicised menus as a means of lampooning the Chinese was officially declared funny again at a packed-out press conference this morning.