Manchester City pitch invasion was “87% squad players”

Oasis members make up remaining 13 per cent.

Manchester City pitch invasion
Invasion… Pitch-based (Image: Oldelpaso)

It’s the Manchester City pitch invasion that brought a nation to a standstill, and figures released this morning indicate that it was comprised entirely of forgotten-about squad players and blokes who’ve been in Oasis.

Manuel Pellegrini’s side beat West Ham United 2-0 to clinch a second Premier League title in three years, a spell of real life success that’s seen sales of Football Manager plummet in the Greater Manchester area.

The newly crowned champions of England were still throwing up their arms in celebration when they were suddenly swarmed by a mob including Joleon Lescott, Jack Rodwell, Micah Richards, Paul “Bonehead” Arthurs and Definitely Maybe era drummer Tony McCarroll.

Scott Sinclair, however, remains nowhere to be seen.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Noel Gallagher dedicated his Premier League winner’s medal to himself and started strumming a three-chord pattern of Em, G and D.

He said: “Nothing like a good pitch invasion to get the creative juices flowing, d’you know what I mean?

“Some of those faces took me back, man – I didn’t realise the Wright-Phillips brothers were still here.

“I swear I saw f***in’ Elano, man, although it could have been one of Beady Eye.”

Another Manchester City pitch invasion will be held this afternoon in order for actual supporters to get involved and compile cherished memories.