Manchester United want former Sutton United goalkeeper Wayne Shaw as a replacement for the China-bound Wayne Rooney, we can reveal.
Shaw was forced to resign from the non-league giants after he was seen eating a pie during their 0-2 FA Cup defeat to Arsenal.
With Rooney set for a lucrative move to the Chinese Super League, José Mourinho is on the lookout for an overweight substitute called Wayne.
In what is already being described as a serendipitous development, his search is believed to have ended with Shaw.
He said: “Wayne offers many of the attributes that Wayne has offered us this season, so the timing couldn’t be better.
“To be honest, when I saw Wayne on TV eating a pie in the stands I thought to myself, ‘What is Wayne doing there?’
“Then I realised – it wasn’t Wayne, but Wayne. That’s when I got in touch with Wayne and outlined my vision of him replacing Wayne.
“He might not go on to become our all-time record goal-scorer, but I can think of at least one other record he might be able to break.”