Liverpool have learned how to attack effectively without the need for biting and racism, it has been confirmed.
Jürgen Klopp’s men beat Watford 6-1 to go top of the table, with goals from a whole host of false 9 types who didn’t sink their teeth into anyone all game.
It’s all a far cry from the days of Luis Suárez, who harnessed his awesome goal-scoring power by sapping opponents’ nutrients fangs-first before dissing them racially.
Without his wacky antics, Liverpool’s attack went so limp that the Anfield faithful started remembering Sean Dundee with a certain fondness.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Klopp attributed the Reds’ remodelled attacking thrust to plenty of hours on the training ground.
He said: “We do lots of chomp-less drills, attack v defence with a strict emphasis on no racial epithets, that sort of thing.
“We even encourage our players to get their teeth whitened so they don’t get tempted to blemish them with opposition blood and flesh.
“They’ve been great at taking it all on board, so full credit to them.”