Liverpool and Everton will this week hold talks with a view to merging into one manageable laughing stock, we can confirm.

Delegates from Merseyside’s top two clubs will meet to discuss whether it wouldn’t make more sense just to get thrashed as one club rather than two.

Heavy defeats to Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur left the two sides languishing towards the bottom of Fifa’s worldwide self-respect rankings.

But they could now shelve their respective plans for new stadiums by building a big purple one in the middle of Stanley Park and defending shambolically there instead.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mayor of Liverpool Joe Anderson stood by two boxes marked ‘LIVERTON’ and ‘EVERPOOL’ and asked us to put a ball in the one we preferred.

He said: “We’re hoping The Daily Politics picks this up.”