Everton boss Ronald Koeman decided he wanted to sign Wayne Rooney while enjoying a trip back to Amsterdam, we can exclusively reveal.

The Dutchman is fond of the city having played for and managed Ajax, and on a recent return visit to catch up with old friends he happened upon a café screening a live Man Utd match.

Koeman told Football Burp: “It seemed like a good chance to combine work with leisure, so I went inside to study the game.

“I knew that Rooney might soon become available so I kept a close eye on him, but from what I could make out through all the smoke in there he seemed to be contributing very little.

“The longer I was in there, though, the more potent Rooney seemed to become and once I’d satisfied my sudden appetite with a brownie it dawned on me that he’s the player we need to take Everton to the next level.

“When he nutmegged a unicorn and deftly lobbed the onrushing Ziggy Stardust…you know, you just can’t coach those things.”