Journo files QPR v Villa report as recording of muffled scream

Match descends into agricultural tedium punctuated by smart Charlie Austin finishes.

QPR v Villa report filed as a scream into one of these
MUFFLER: Pillow (Image: Klixy)

An unnamed football journalist is said to have filed his QPR v Villa report in decidedly unorthodox fashion – as a voice recording of himself screaming into a pillow.


The Villa, Aston, headed into last night’s slugfest at Loftus Road off the back of four consecutive defeats, while Harry Redknapp’s R’s was were still sore from the previous weekend’s own-goal-laden defeat to Liverpool.

As the match descended into an agricultural tedium illuminated only by a couple of tidy finishes from Charlie Austin, one writer stared at the heading ‘QPR v Villa report’ on his laptop screen and wondered what in the blue hell he could possibly say about it.

Then suddenly it hit him – he could just scream into a pillow instead.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the author of the unorthodox QPR v Villa report explained that he had the idea when he started falling asleep during the opening ten minutes.

He said: “I thought, ‘I ought to get a pillow’ – then it occurred to me, I could scream into it instead.

“It was hard to resist the temptation to suffocate myself with it, especially when Dunne wellied it up towards Zamora who promptly wellied it back to Benteke accidentally while trying to bring it down.

“In the end I managed to get my muffled scream recorded and sent to the editor with time to spare.”

He added: “QPR’s team would have been pretty decent about five years ago.”