Ipswich Town have been knocked out of the FA Cup by an XI comprising entirely of mates of yours who hadn’t wanted you to know about it.
Fearing they’d be comfortably beaten by the Championship side, the eleven friends of yours you haven’t spoken to in a while didn’t decide to let you know about how they took Mick McCarthy’s men to a replay with a 2-2 draw at Portman Road about ten days ago.
But they’ll be crowing unbearably all over social media tomorrow morning having sensationally beaten Ipswich 1-0 at Sincil Bank with a stoppage time winner.
In astonishing scenes, a team including such luminaries as your mate Steve, your mate Gary and your mate Raj took on and beat a second-tier league side.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, your mate Kev explained why they didn’t ask you to play.
He said: “You can’t play football, can you?
“Well, you think you can but you’re actually completely rubbish. Sorry you had to find out this way.
“If only we’d known Ipswich can’t play football either, we’d definitely have asked you along.”
Mick McCarthy has been arrested on suspicion of kicking every single household pet in the East Anglia area.