Chelsea’s N’Golo Kanté returned from a hamstring injury to find scenes of carnage that stopped his cheerful disposition dead in its tracks, we can confirm.
The France midfielder was still absent as his side crashed to a 3-0 defeat at Roma which featured the most comical defending since Lionel Hutz moved for a “bad court thingy”.
And he arrived at Chelsea’s Cobham training ground this morning to find Antonio Rüdiger on fire, Tiémoué Bakayoko getting chased by a cat and David Luiz stepping on a succession of rakes.
Kanté said: “Hey everyone, I’m back! How’s it all…oh dear god.
“Let me just put my belongings in my locker and I’ll see what I can do about all the fire, cats and rakes.