“I’ll sign if you dance for me,” Sam Allardyce tells Everton

Relegation specialist rocks up at Goodison.

Sam Allardyce is in talks with Everton
ARRIVAL: Allardyce (Image: Egghead06)

Sam Allardyce has informed Everton that he will be their new manager on the condition that they dance for him, Football Burp understands.

The former Bolton, Newcastle, Blackburn, West Ham, Sunderland and Crystal Palace manager had initially ruled himself out of contention when Bill Kenwright failed to woo him with a pint of wine.

But the Toffees’ ill-fated pursuit of Watford’s Marco Silva has left them with little option but to go crawling back to the survival specialist.

Allardyce and his four-hundred-strong team of sports scientists rocked up to Goodison Park earlier today, saying things like “well well well” and “may we sample the pies?”.

A source said: “Sam’s in no mood to leave without Everton dancing for him – all of them, everyone at the club.

“He even got the sports science boys to bring some pink frilly outfits for them to frolic about in while singing songs with the word ‘sorry’ in the title.

“It still won’t be as embarrassing as their 4-1 defeat to Southampton.”