A complete and utter moron has picked his Fantasy Football team for the 2013-14 season, it has been revealed.

The wally, soft, ended months of speculation by confirming that he intends to repeat all his mistakes of previous years, thus rendering the whole exercise pointless and a waste of valuable time both in the workplace and at home.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the muttonhead declared himself satisfied with his decision to once again omit the goal machine who plays for that team he hates on account of their close proximity to the team he likes.

He said: “I can’t have one of that lot in my team. It’s just not right.

“Yes, I do realise that everyone else will pick him, therefore leaving me at a disadvantage straight from the outset.

“And yes, I will pick that highly rated defensive midfield player without giving any consideration to the fact that his particular talents tend to go unrewarded within the Fantasy Football system.

“What do you mean ‘why on Earth did I pick that goalkeeper when he’s about as likely to keep a clean sheet as a nervous squid having a wet dream’?

“I saw him make a boss save on Match of the Day once. Alan Hansen talked about it for a full fifteen seconds, I’ve never seen anything like it.

“You watch, I won’t wind up lumbering in mid-table between those who actually have a clue how to play the game and those who lose all interest in it three weeks into the season.

“Not again. Not this time. After all, I’ve got my secret weapon.

“Shola Ameobi came out in the press saying he’s targetting 20 goals this season. Mark my words, he’ll do it.”

He added: “Or was it Sammy Ameobi who said that?

“Better get them both in my team just in case.”

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