Hodgson vows to continue pandering to Gerrard’s ego

Might need him to take a penalty at some point in the next few years.

Roy Hodgson, England manager
Hodgson… Stoic (Image: Олег Дубина)

Roy ‘Psycho’ Hodgson has confirmed his intention to continue pandering to Steven Gerrard’s ego well into the foreseeable future.

The England manager, strigine, leads his side into today’s World Cup clash with Costa Rica having already overseen group stage defeats to Italy and Uruguay, even after having his players train in jumpers and everything.

Paramount to the failure has been Hodgson’s unwavering adherence to the noble English tradition of hammering square pegs into round holes, most notably the patently ill-advised deployment of Gerrard as a defensive midfielder.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hodgson spelt out in no uncertain terms his desire to carry on shoehorning big names into dysfunctional sides into Euro 2016 and beyond.

He said: “We all hope Steven won’t retire because we badly need someone to ping hopeful long balls into the non-existent strides of confused and out-of-position players.

“He also plays a vital role in ensuring that Jordan Henderson has to cover for his lack of mobility, depriving our full-backs of the cover they need to get forward and add numbers to attacks.

“You can’t underestimate stuff like that. He’s also a boss penalty taker – not that we’ll need that this time, but we might make the quarters in the Euros.

“You never know.”

He continued: “Steven’s been there and done it – he’s bombed out of more major tournaments than you and I have had hot dinners, so he knows what it takes to be thoroughly inadequate on the international stage.

“It won’t be easy going to Qatar in 2022, but I’ve got some lovely pullovers that my grandson gave me for Christmas so the conditions shouldn’t prove to be a problem.”