EXCLUSIVE: England still rubbish

Just like they always have been.

Rubbish, like England
Rubbish… England (Image: Fruggo)

England are still rubbish, we can exclusively confirm.

The nation-cum-football-team, useless, have really bloody outdone themselves this time in what is already being described as “an even earlier exit than usual”.

Such is the scale of the disappointment at back-to-back defeats against Italy and Uruguay that England boss Roy ‘Psycho’ Hodgson has pledged to “battle on” lest anyone even more disappointing take over.

He roared: “Can you imagine a world where Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard aren’t going concerns for the national side?

“Would you really have preferred it if I’d picked Lee Cattermole and Mark Noble instead? Would that have made everything better?

“Youse can all f**k yourselves. I’m picking Chris Smalling and Phil Jones against Costa Rica.

“Just see if I don’t.”

He added: “Did I pick Ashley Young in the squad?

“I can’t remember but I hope so.”