Hodgson defends own use of “bloomin’ heck” on live TV

Issues string of mild, yet nevertheless retaliatory, expletives.

Roy Hodgson defends himself in fabulous brogues such as these
Hodgson wore his finest brogues against Norway, but to no avail (Image: ASuitableWardrobe)

Roy Hodgson defends first and foremost, such are the tenets of the old-fashioned 4-4-2 – and now he’s even started defending himself.

The England manager, increasingly curmudgeonly, had issued a string of mild outbursts on live television when it was put to him that England were downright rotten against Norway the other night.


Viewers were shocked when Hodgson grabbed his temples by the thumb and forefinger and grumbled, “Now what the bloomin’ heck would you go and say something like that for?”

And they were plunged into an abyss of nihilistic darkness when Hodgson starting foaming at the mouth and threatening to “bloody well sort out” the “ne’er-do-wells” and “rapscallions” responsible for his being judged by actual results and performances, rather than by how nicely he’s turned out that particular evening, or how many Premier League matches he’s attended that month.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hodgson rolled up his sleeves and asked if we were looking for “a bunch of fives”.

He roared: “Because you’re going the right way about receiving them, and I’m certainly in the mood to provide them. Roy Hodgson defends and offends, you know.

“I wore my best pair of shoes against Norway and still all I hear is ‘wah wah, we only had two shots on target, wah wah’.

“Man up, you sissies.”

Hodgson has since apologised for his “regrettable” use of the phrases ‘man up’ and ‘sissies’.