Ferguson linesman rant: Sir Alex can say “whatever he likes”, confirms FA

Sir Alex Ferguson
Ferguson… Rants in his pants (Img: Ngocson.neu)

The FA have responded to yesterday’s Sir Alex Ferguson linesman rant by declaring the Manchester United overlord free to say “whatever he jolly well sees fit to, please don’t hurt us.”

Ferguson, a Capricorn, was left fuming – literally fuming, like some whiskey-sodden kettle – after assistant referee Simon Beck failed to give the Red Devils their customary penalty when Tottenham Hotspur defender Stephen Caulker bundled Wayne Rooney over in the box during yesterday’s 1-1 draw at Old Trafford.

The Scottish man then launched into an astonishing broadside against Beck in his post-match interview, accusing him of rank incompetence and not having done anything of note since 1996 album Odelay, which spawned such memorable hits as “Devil’s Haircut” and “The New Pollution”.

He said: “Arsene keeps telling me to give Midnite Vultures another chance but it just sounds like a load of Prince rehashes to me.

“Apparently he released his most recent LP only as sheet music for others to interpret and record – I respect that kind of ingenuity, I really do, but at the same time I can’t help but remember that time against Chelsea when he failed to give Drogba offside. At the time I demanded one of his melancholic country-folk records as penance but he never delivered.

“That was a bloody penalty yesterday and all.”

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the FA confirmed that they didn’t want any trouble and were happy to comply with Ferguson in any way necessary.

A spokesperson said: “Whatever you say, man. We just want you to be happy, man.

“You want money? We got money. Here, have some money! You want women? Men? A long-term replacement for Paul Scholes? Leave it to us, man. We cool, right? Yeah, we cool.”

He/she added: “Sir Alex, you so fine! You so fine, you blow my mind!

“Siiiiirrrrr ALEX!”

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