English football clubs are all squished together now following attempts to cram their way out of the Champions League exit all at the same time.
The scenes, farcical, unfurled when a breakdown of communication between Arsenal, Manchester City and Manchester United manifested itself in one heck of a bottleneck at the back door of the Champions League, which for the purposes of this news is an actual, literal backdoor.
When it was pointed out to beleaguered Red Devils boss David Moyes that they hadn’t even played the second leg of their tie against Olympiacos, and as such the retreat they were beating could be seen as somewhat hasty, he tutted and sighed.
He said: “See, it’s typical of our luck this season that I forgot that.
“However, getting all squashed together with City and Arsenal isn’t all bad – at least we get Agüero and Özil now.
“You know, all the good players with umlauts.”
Moyes continued: “Agüero and Özil what? Injured in the squish, you say? Ach, baws.
“See, that’s typical of our luck this season, that is.
“Just when we get a few wins in the league and then all squashed together with City and Arsenal, something like this comes along and happens.
“I bet van Persie and Rooney got injured in the squish too. Better go check.”
He added, later: “Ach, baws.”
David Moyes, everyone.
HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think the literal Champions League exit looks like? What colour would it be? Are you even still reading this? Hats off if so.