It’s the Chelsea Champions League quarter-final that’s got everyone snoring with anticipation!
The Blues, blue, shall contest another European Cup 2.0 snooze-a-thon against as-yet-unknown-but-sure-to-be-stellar opposition, in which victory could once again propel them to continental silverware with a coma-inducing flourish.
The qualification, last night, was activated by a 2-0 second leg win over Galatasaray at Stamford Bridge, with Didier Drogba amongst those in attendance.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, José Mourinho went into frankly unnecessary detail about how little he gave “a s**t” about our desire for more entertaining football on his team’s part.
He said: “You know when you do one of those really small s**ts, the ones that look like pooey pebbles?
“Well, scoop one out of your toilet, leave it out in the sun so it’s all shrivelled and dry, then crush it into a fine powder.
“Keep one granule of that powder and discard the rest. Put that granule in the washing machine overnight so it shrinks even more – and there you have it.
“That’s how little of a s**t I give.”
He added: “Tune in to the Chelsea Champions League quarter-final, coming soon!
“1-0 over two legs! Not to be missed!
“Turn up in your jim jams and win a free Chelsea teddy bear!”
Mourinho showed us his medals, we showed him ours, and we left it at that.