Hull City name change failure gives rise to breakaway suggestion

Owner Assem Allam floats Hull City League idea in order to snare lapsed Manchester United fans.

Tigers, central to the Hull City name change
Tigers… Indochinese (Image: Kabir Bakie)

It’s the Hull City name change failure that’s gripping a nation, and now it’s given rise to a proposed breakaway league suggestion.

The Premier League this morning rejected owner Assem Allam’s idea to change the club’s name to Hull City Tigers, prompting the wacky Egyptian to request a five-minute time-out in order to hatch a new plan.

Allam then re-entered whichever room it is they conduct these sorts of hearings in and unfurled a large sheet of paper bearing only the words ‘Hull City League’.

He enthused: “Hull City League! Eh?

“Now that the Hull City name change to Hull City Tigers has – how you say? – ‘hit the buffers’, I propose that Hull City forms a breakaway league comprised only of Hull City.

“I know what you’re thinking – wouldn’t Hull City just win the Hull City League every season? There wouldn’t be much in the way of competition – none, in fact.

“Well, to those of you thinking that, I say this – that’s precisely the point of Hull City League.”

He continued: “Imagine the commercial opportunities presented by an extended period of unbroken success.

“With Manchester United faltering, all that worldwide adoration and exposure is up for grabs – and who better to replace the 13-time Premier League champions than the 13-time Hull City League champions?

“It’ll take 13 years, of course, but I’m happy to stick around on the proviso that every supporter involved in the City Till I Die protest group jump into a river and stay there, preferably dead.

“In the meantime, watch in awe as Blorx the Destructor and Cleopatrus the Victorious fire us to FA Cup glory.

“Er, that’s what we’re calling Nikica Jelavić and Shane Long now.”

The Hull City name change failure was unavailable for comment as it is immaterial and therefore incapable of either thought or speech.