Rafael Benítez’s eating habits were this morning the subject of renewed speculation as bitter rival José Mourinho alluded to the fact that the Spaniard may be back to guzzling burgers.

The Real Madrid boss has a wife, you know, and she was being all like “he’s rubbish” about Mourinho and that, calling him a “divvy” and flashing an emasculating gesture with her thumb and forefinger.

Chelsea boss Mourinho immediately hit back by declaring that Señora Benítez should spend less time “being a bitch”, and more time “trying to prevent Fatty Fat Fat McFatterson from exploding belly first and taking the entire human race with him”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mourinho pointed out that he’d already made himself abundantly clear with the above diatribe.

He shrugged: “No. No. I already say all I need to. You see the ‘Fatty Fat Fat’ thing, yes?

“This is Rafa, right…”

Mourinho then puffed his cheeks out and mimed eating a burger in one bite.

He added: “Ha ha. Ha ha ha.”