Police have urged the general public to stay the hell away from any Leicester City players they may encounter, as they are to be considered “extremely dangerous”.
The law enforcers, state-empowered, reacted quickly to news of Danny Simpson’s attack on his former partner by warning everyone to avoid Foxes at all costs.
Foxes’ cards were marked in 2004 when Paul Dickov, Keith Gillespie and Frank Sinclair were held in jail following sexual aggression charges, with more recent wrong-‘un behaviour coming in the form of a racist orgy involving Nigel Pearson’s son James and two other Leicester youngsters.
Now every man jack of ’em, even ones who seem nice like Wes Morgan and Marc Albrighton, should be given a wide berth for your own personal safety.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one police clarified that it’s still probably okay, albeit not especially advisable, to approach foxes.
They said: “That’s ‘foxes’ with a small f, ergo the animals not the Leicester City players.
“I’d say that foxes are probably going to be more fearful of you than Foxes will be, although you’re bound to get the odd one or two that’ll go straight for your jugular.
“Unpredictable animal, the fox. Wild, unpredictable, scruffy animals. Real survivors.
“And they make this mad shrieking noise that sounds not unlike a lady trapped in a bedroom with a Leicester City player.”
They added: “Oh no I di’int!”
Football Burp would like to distance itself from comments made by the imaginary officer.