A new brand of goal difference that makes no difference could prove to be the difference in whether or not Arsenal top their Champions League group, it has emerged.

The different goal difference differs from conventional goal differences in that it makes not an ounce of difference, deferring instead to away goals like it’s a knock-out tie or something.

Last night’s 2-2 draw with Paris Saint-Germain somehow contrived to plunge Arsenal below their French counterparts even though they beat some Bulgarian side about 32-0.

Arsène Wenger feigned indifference but inside he was quite different, stewing over the bureaucracy that increases the chances of his Gunners drawing Barcelona in the last 16 again hilariously.

He told Football Burp: “On the plus side, it’s quite nice to get away to Barcelona around that time of year.

“You can wander around Las Ramblas, play football against Barcelona in the Champions League, see some crazy-looking buildings.

“Strolls on the beach. Tapas with Coquelin. The smell of shellfish and hash everywhere.

“It’s what keeps me going in this job, to be perfectly honest.”