The best jokes as familiar England just about beat Slovakia in Allardyce’s first game

Added-time goal in dull game as England struggle to break down 10-man side in World Cup qualifier.

There were lots of jokes as England struggled to beat Slovakia 0-1 in Sam Allardyce's first game in charge
The taste of success (Image: Egghead06)

These were all the best jokes after an Adam Lallana goal in added time secured a 0-1 World Cup qualification win for England against ten-man Slovakia in Sam Allardyce’s first game in charge of the side.

A winning start was secured for the new manager after a dull game, one which featured a remarkably familiar starting lineup for a new coach, finally saw a goal in the 95th minute despite England facing ten men for over half an hour following Martin Škrtel’s red card.

Has much changed from Roy’s reign? Here are the best jokes from Slovakia 0-1 England as Sam Allardyce takes over:

Never forget, @England 🙈 #SLOENG pic.twitter.com/4jEUED7mai

— Dream Team (@dreamteamfc) September 4, 2016

Not saying this match is dull, but I've just compiled and laminated a list of my Top 20 granary loaves. #SLOENG

— Dan (@ThatConnArtist) September 4, 2016

Why is the W missing from the middle of this hashtag? #SLOENG

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) September 4, 2016

Paint watches England dry.

— Tim Bolton (@timbolton1) September 4, 2016

Joe Hart's kicking. #SLOENG pic.twitter.com/QexwsQcdAR

— Clive Gritt (@TheCliveGritt) September 4, 2016

Shall I watch the 2nd half of England or just punch myself in the face! #BoringHell

— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) September 4, 2016

When's Roy stepping down 😳#SLOENG

— Trevor Sinclair (@trevor8sinclair) September 4, 2016

Decided to dismantle my washing machine instead of watching the 2nd half. It's not even broken #SLOENG pic.twitter.com/VpUMTArBKx

— Tony Brannon (@TonyBrannon) September 4, 2016

Bet Reeva Steenkamp wishes Adam Lallana had taken 6 shots at her #England

— Orrible Ives (@Orrible_Ives) September 4, 2016

Rooney is so deep I can see Adele rolling around with him. #SLOENG

— Russell (@Cast_N0_Shadow) September 4, 2016

Raheem Sterling comes off, to be replaced by promising young England hopeful… Theo Walcott.

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) September 4, 2016

The only thing that's changed with #England is Sam is fatter than Roy. #SLOENG

— BermondseyBoy (@Bermondsey1885) September 4, 2016

How can there still be 25 mins to go? This game has been going on for 3 weeks #SLOENG

— General Boles (@GeneralBoles) September 4, 2016


Haven't seen England play this poorly since the last time I saw England play.

— Matt Holt Tips (@MattHoltTips) September 4, 2016

Raheem Sterling plays like he's walked into Tescos 5 minutes before closing time and realised he has a full shop to do…#SLOENG

— Speedoman (@Sheppyuk) September 4, 2016

Hard to know if "Dier" is the man in possession, or just a general commentary on the performance. #SLOENG

— Dan O'Hagan (@danohagan) September 4, 2016

Pants!!!#SLOENG pic.twitter.com/ZheULuU9Cu

— Hplar Kram (@MarkRalph74) September 4, 2016

I think we've been patient long enough. It's time for Allerdyce to go. #sloeng

— Ross Lawson (@Ross_Lawson) September 4, 2016


Haven't seen England play this poorly since they lost 5-1 to Newcastle on the last day of the season.

— Danny Welbeck (@WelBeast) September 4, 2016

If only England had a tenth of the creativity of Philip Green's accountants. #SLOENG

— Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) September 4, 2016

Joe Hart's not even Turin's number one. #SLOENG pic.twitter.com/2HuF2toE8R

— Jonny Gould (@jonnygould) September 4, 2016

Roy Hodgson sitting at home, drunk, in his pants, screaming "THIS! DO YOU SEE? WHAT I WAS WORKING WITH?" at the telly #SLOENG

— Nadine Andie (@andiekarenina) September 4, 2016

Theo Walcott!!!!#SLOENG #SLOvENG pic.twitter.com/ZuAQpajML1

— Steve Kilner (@1StevieKilner) September 4, 2016

English media

English player dives: clever play, felt a touch.

Foreign player dives: kill his family the smelly foreign wanker. #SLOENG

— Diamond Jack (@Diamond__Jack) September 4, 2016

I'm sure ITV have just put the same game from the Euros on and gone down the pub #SLOENG

— Aaron Whiley (@AaronWhiley) September 4, 2016

That goal was a scruffy as a tramp in Marble Arch covered in Special Brew & vomit. #SLOENG

— Laura Jones (@YICETOR) September 4, 2016

I fell asleep before the #England game and woke up at 86minutes played.. safe to say that was a genius move #SLOENG

— Daniel Holloway (@RFCdan) September 4, 2016

Final whistle. Well, that really was 90 seconds of pulsating football #SLOENG

— Ben Bailey Smith (@docbrown88) September 4, 2016

Based on that, England's next two years are going look pretty similar to the last two. And not remarkably different to the two before.

— Dan Levene (@danlevene) September 4, 2016

Massive step forward for England. After losing to Iceland we've now beaten a country with 15 times their population. We're back!

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) September 4, 2016

Why do England even compete in stuff

— Ahmad (@ChieflySarcastc) September 4, 2016