👀

Tweets of the Week: Townsend excuse, Milner mum, Fowler puns and more!

Roberto Martínez Christmas tree
Roberto ho ho! (Image: Twitter/Alan Myers)

Tweets of the Week is brought to you in association with that trendy energy drink you suspect is corroding your liver…

Excuse Slip of the Week

Andros Townsend, Tottenham Hotspur

This is what came out my fortune cookie…. Looks like I don't have to track back and defend anymore guys! Haha pic.twitter.com/c5rGT5KFSz

— andros townsend (@andros_townsend) December 10, 2013

Shock Mother of the Week

James Milner, Manchester City, to Rodney Marsh, ex-Manchester City

Milner my MOM

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) December 10, 2013

Honestly, we’re as surprised as you are.

Champions League Update of the Week

Alan Sugar, ex-Tottenham Hotspur chairman

I am out how are Man U doing

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) December 10, 2013

Alan Sugar will now compete in the Europa League.

Botched Wisecrack of the Week

Shaka Hislop, ex-Newcastle United, Portsmouth, Reading and West Ham United

Pep Guardiola will have his hairdresser out after this one…Which is in pristine condition! (Booboom!! I just made a joke.)

— Shaka Hislop (@ShakaHislop) December 10, 2013

@ShakaHislop hairdresser or hairdryer? Get it together Shaka

— Hakeem (@stamochi) December 10, 2013

@stamochi oops you're right…

— Shaka Hislop (@ShakaHislop) December 10, 2013

Satire of the Week

Nooruddean Choudry, Mirror

Neither sets of supporters covering themselves with any glory in Naples tonight. Sad scenes. pic.twitter.com/nVVBuVSwGY

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) December 11, 2013

Admiration of the Week

Iain Macintosh, Mirror/ESPN

Giroud has SO much power in his buttocks. He's a really magnificent beast.

— Iain Macintosh (@iainmacintosh) December 11, 2013

Memory of the Week

Danny Higginbotham, ex-Manchester United

Never forget Roy Keane having a go at me on my debut. I tackled heskey and was a good first tackle. He looked at me and said you

— Danny Higginbotham (@Higginbotham05) December 10, 2013

Dick head you had the chance to take him out of the game. Right then I new I still had a lot to learn

— Danny Higginbotham (@Higginbotham05) December 10, 2013

Research of the Week

Max Rushden, Soccer AM/talkSPORT

Just spoke to all football fans in Asia & the US. They said they will defo support any team with an animal in their name #tiger #wombat #gnu

— Max Rushden (@maxrushden) December 12, 2013

Not Your Average Footballer of the Week

Shaun Barker, Derby County

Love that my 5 year old daughter asked for either Sigur Ros or Explosions in the Sky as her choice of music to go to sleep to. #proud

— Shaun Barker (@barks5) December 11, 2013

Threat of the Week

Leon Knight, ex-Chelsea and Rushden and Diamonds

And Rushden still owe me 100k when I see one of them it's straight GBH!!

— leon knight (@leonknight1982) December 9, 2013

Insight-Based Foresight of the Week

Kane Ferdinand, Peterborough United

My future daughter has already got that lifetime ban from going anywhere near a footballer

— Kane Ferdinand (@KFerdinand92) December 11, 2013

Prediction of the Week

Steve Claridge, ex-Aldershot, Birmingham City, Bournemouth, Bradford City, Brentford, Brighton and Hove Albion, Cambridge United, Crystal Palace, Fareham Town, Gillingham, Gosport Borough, Harrow Borough, Leicester City, Luton Town, Millwall, Portsmouth, Walsall, Weymouth, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Worthing and Wycombe Wanderers

Just let one of my properties out to a couple, he's 88 and she's 86, that'll be a short term contract then!

— Steve Claridge (@SteveClaridge) December 10, 2013

Tenuous Grasp of Mythology of the Week

George Lineker, son of Gary

Earls court tube station is a myth

— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) December 9, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Earls Court tube station is not a myth – it’s a tube station.

The Trojan War – now that’s a myth.

Nudity of the Week

Didier Drogba, Galatasaray

Tonight will show why drogba is more then a footballer. See the man outside the football kit

— Ashlee Jones (@ashleeflyboi) December 10, 2013

Laziness of the Week

Dominic Samuel, Reading

Just chilling in my car because I can't be bothered to go in my house yet , so comfortable

— Doms (@DominicSamuel9) December 10, 2013

Pastime of the Week

Steven Finn, England cricketer

Flight to Perth this afternoon. 3 hours to try and avoid being sacked by Watford on Football Manager. #rebuild

— Steven Finn (@finnysteve) December 10, 2013

Acid Trip of the Week

Felipe Melo, Galatasaray

Felipe Melo tweet:"This was the game,Galatasaray with ball,penguin passing to penguin,throwing to penguin ahah a lot of snoooow #canceled "

— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) December 10, 2013

Pun War of the Week

It's the Sky Spanish Football Dept's Xmas bash tonight. It could get messi.

— rob palmer (@robbopalmer) December 9, 2013

@robbopalmer I'll xavi a bit of that

— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) December 9, 2013

@Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer Dont get too drunk or you will have to Bale early.

— Especialjuan (@especialjuan) December 9, 2013

@especialjuan @Robbie9Fowler we may feel a little pique in the morning.

— rob palmer (@robbopalmer) December 9, 2013

@robbopalmer @especialjuan have a good time, tell them all I said tello

— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) December 9, 2013

@Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer @especialjuan Jesús wept.

— Sid Lowe (@sidlowe) December 9, 2013

@sidlowe @Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer @especialjuan what no tea and busquets then? Shame.

— Football For Life (@CotteeTom) December 9, 2013

@especialjuan @sidlowe @Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer I can't take Neymar of these puns!

— Brian Morgan Jr. (@BrianMorgan1) December 9, 2013

Christmas Tree of the Week

Alan Myers, Director of Communications at Everton

pic.twitter.com/eaK0OfaJug

— ALAN MYERS (@ALANMYERS1) December 11, 2013

Those were our Tweets of the Week. Tune in on Monday for our Tweets of the Weekend!