Tweets of the Week is brought to you in association with that trendy energy drink you suspect is corroding your liver…
Excuse Slip of the Week
Andros Townsend, Tottenham Hotspur
This is what came out my fortune cookie…. Looks like I don't have to track back and defend anymore guys! Haha pic.twitter.com/c5rGT5KFSz
— andros townsend (@andros_townsend) December 10, 2013
Shock Mother of the Week
James Milner, Manchester City, to Rodney Marsh, ex-Manchester City
Milner my MOM
— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) December 10, 2013
Honestly, we’re as surprised as you are.
Champions League Update of the Week
Alan Sugar, ex-Tottenham Hotspur chairman
I am out how are Man U doing
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) December 10, 2013
Alan Sugar will now compete in the Europa League.
Botched Wisecrack of the Week
Shaka Hislop, ex-Newcastle United, Portsmouth, Reading and West Ham United
Pep Guardiola will have his hairdresser out after this one…Which is in pristine condition! (Booboom!! I just made a joke.)
— Shaka Hislop (@ShakaHislop) December 10, 2013
@ShakaHislop hairdresser or hairdryer? Get it together Shaka
— Hakeem (@stamochi) December 10, 2013
@stamochi oops you're right…
— Shaka Hislop (@ShakaHislop) December 10, 2013
Satire of the Week
Nooruddean Choudry, Mirror
Neither sets of supporters covering themselves with any glory in Naples tonight. Sad scenes. pic.twitter.com/nVVBuVSwGY
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) December 11, 2013
Admiration of the Week
Iain Macintosh, Mirror/ESPN
Giroud has SO much power in his buttocks. He's a really magnificent beast.
— Iain Macintosh (@iainmacintosh) December 11, 2013
Memory of the Week
Danny Higginbotham, ex-Manchester United
Never forget Roy Keane having a go at me on my debut. I tackled heskey and was a good first tackle. He looked at me and said you
— Danny Higginbotham (@Higginbotham05) December 10, 2013
Dick head you had the chance to take him out of the game. Right then I new I still had a lot to learn
— Danny Higginbotham (@Higginbotham05) December 10, 2013
Research of the Week
Max Rushden, Soccer AM/talkSPORT
Just spoke to all football fans in Asia & the US. They said they will defo support any team with an animal in their name #tiger #wombat #gnu
— Max Rushden (@maxrushden) December 12, 2013
Not Your Average Footballer of the Week
Shaun Barker, Derby County
Love that my 5 year old daughter asked for either Sigur Ros or Explosions in the Sky as her choice of music to go to sleep to. #proud
— Shaun Barker (@barks5) December 11, 2013
Threat of the Week
Leon Knight, ex-Chelsea and Rushden and Diamonds
And Rushden still owe me 100k when I see one of them it's straight GBH!!
— leon knight (@leonknight1982) December 9, 2013
Insight-Based Foresight of the Week
Kane Ferdinand, Peterborough United
My future daughter has already got that lifetime ban from going anywhere near a footballer
— Kane Ferdinand (@KFerdinand92) December 11, 2013
Prediction of the Week
Steve Claridge, ex-Aldershot, Birmingham City, Bournemouth, Bradford City, Brentford, Brighton and Hove Albion, Cambridge United, Crystal Palace, Fareham Town, Gillingham, Gosport Borough, Harrow Borough, Leicester City, Luton Town, Millwall, Portsmouth, Walsall, Weymouth, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Worthing and Wycombe Wanderers
Just let one of my properties out to a couple, he's 88 and she's 86, that'll be a short term contract then!
— Steve Claridge (@SteveClaridge) December 10, 2013
Tenuous Grasp of Mythology of the Week
George Lineker, son of Gary
Earls court tube station is a myth
— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) December 9, 2013
Jermaine Pedant says… Earls Court tube station is not a myth – it’s a tube station.
The Trojan War – now that’s a myth.
Nudity of the Week
Didier Drogba, Galatasaray
Tonight will show why drogba is more then a footballer. See the man outside the football kit
— Ashlee Jones (@ashleeflyboi) December 10, 2013
Laziness of the Week
Dominic Samuel, Reading
Just chilling in my car because I can't be bothered to go in my house yet , so comfortable
— Doms (@DominicSamuel9) December 10, 2013
Pastime of the Week
Steven Finn, England cricketer
Flight to Perth this afternoon. 3 hours to try and avoid being sacked by Watford on Football Manager. #rebuild
— Steven Finn (@finnysteve) December 10, 2013
Acid Trip of the Week
Felipe Melo, Galatasaray
Felipe Melo tweet:"This was the game,Galatasaray with ball,penguin passing to penguin,throwing to penguin ahah a lot of snoooow #canceled "
— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) December 10, 2013
Pun War of the Week
It's the Sky Spanish Football Dept's Xmas bash tonight. It could get messi.
— rob palmer (@robbopalmer) December 9, 2013
@robbopalmer I'll xavi a bit of that
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) December 9, 2013
@Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer Dont get too drunk or you will have to Bale early.
— Especialjuan (@especialjuan) December 9, 2013
@especialjuan @Robbie9Fowler we may feel a little pique in the morning.
— rob palmer (@robbopalmer) December 9, 2013
@robbopalmer @especialjuan have a good time, tell them all I said tello
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) December 9, 2013
@Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer @especialjuan Jesús wept.
— Sid Lowe (@sidlowe) December 9, 2013
@sidlowe @Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer @especialjuan what no tea and busquets then? Shame.
— Football For Life (@CotteeTom) December 9, 2013
@especialjuan @sidlowe @Robbie9Fowler @robbopalmer I can't take Neymar of these puns!
— Brian Morgan Jr. (@BrianMorgan1) December 9, 2013
Christmas Tree of the Week
Alan Myers, Director of Communications at Everton
— ALAN MYERS (@ALANMYERS1) December 11, 2013
Those were our Tweets of the Week. Tune in on Monday for our Tweets of the Weekend!