Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner: Fabregas, Sterling, Santos, Routledge, O’Hara, McArthur

Neil Warnock“Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a man who needs no introduction – unless you haven’t heard of him, in which case he’s an old-school stand-up comedian who manages Leeds United in his spare time – it’s…

…Neil Warnock, with his Comedy Corner!”

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Has everyone washed behind their ears? I know I haven’t!

Okay, ladies and gents, settle down. We’ve got a right old show lined up for you this week – footballers making light of their own dangerous driving…

“@goonerree: He drives how he wants @andre_santos27 he drives how he wants! Haha love that #Gunner”I like that ;)) lol

— André Santos!!! (@Andre_Santos27) October 6, 2012

…players tweeting live from their own 0-0 draws with Stoke City…

Never yawned so much

— raheem sterling (@sterling31) October 8, 2012

…even players studying their own bell-ends…

Could be purple, It could be pink.

— Luke Dobie (@LukeJDobie) October 8, 2012

…but first up we’ve got Swansea City winger Wayne Routledge, and a degree of hospitality you just don’t get from players at bigger clubs…

Unlucky not to take all 3 today, on the plus side the boys showed immense character today, and the fans as always stayed with us. Wigan next

— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) October 6, 2012

‘Ere, Wayne lad – how long does it take to make breakfast for three hundred people?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Wonder what the missus has to say about it all – or indeed what Jamie O’Hara’s better half had to say about this…

Just found this pic on my camera, think the hair is coming along nicely, what u think peeps? twitter.com/mrjamieohara/s…

— Jamie o’hara (@mrjamieohara) October 7, 2012

That’s nothing, Jamie lad – you should see my wife’s tache!

Thank you, thank you. Now, who fancies their chances of copping off with an insolent Asian later?

Going 4 a cheeky indian 2night !! Cant wait

— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) October 7, 2012

‘Ere, Nile lad – there’s naan finer than Indian lasses!

Er…why don’t you tikka to the pictures?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! I see what’s going on here, folks – you think I’m being racialist. It’s just a bit of banter, that’s what us old school comedian types are like.

Any banter floating about tonight ?

— Henri Lansbury (@Official_Henri) October 8, 2012

No, Henri lad – I knock off at half five. Maybe former Norwich City forward Darren Huckerby can help you – what are you up to, Darren?

10 minutes to go #ElClassico

— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) October 7, 2012

El what?

El Classico

— Freddy Adu (@FreddyAdu) October 7, 2012


El Classico

— Reece Wabara (@ReeceWabara) October 7, 2012

You what, lad?

El Clasico!!

— Conor Henderson (@Henderson_91) October 7, 2012



— Bernard Mensah (@Mensah_10) October 7, 2012



— Franny Lee (@FrannyLee7) October 7, 2012

El what now?

Sin más comentarios #elclasico

— Borja Valero (@bvalero20) October 7, 2012

Oooohhh, you mean Barcelona v Real Madrid. I thought youse were talking about the taco mix they sell in our local Asda!

Er…would any Wigan Athletic midfielders like to say something at this juncture?

Just seen this @allaboutballerz a site that will help footballers get noticed RT

— james mcarthur (@jamesmcarthur16) October 6, 2012

‘Ere, James lad – does the site say “play football on telly, drive like a loony and force yourself on some lass”?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Back in the game! Here are two footballers who certainly got noticed, by talkSPORT’s Ian Abrahams no less…

Also just bumped into Yossi Benayoun and Kieran Gibbs twitter.com/BroadcastMoose…

— Ian Abrahams (@BroadcastMoose) October 6, 2012

‘Ere, Ian lad – which one’s you?

Thank you, folks, too kind. Now it’s that time of week again – it’s time to play…


Looks like I’m first on the coach! twitter.com/cesc4official/…

— Cesc Fàbregas Soler (@cesc4official) October 7, 2012

‘Ere, Cesc – who’s taking the picture, then?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! You’ve been great, folks, but I best get back to my Leeds United squad. I leave you with this week’s most traumatised Sunderland starlet…

Gary Barlow is a Stiff man !

— Adam Reed … (@AdamReed37) October 6, 2012

…this week’s most insensitive relationship breakup…

Look at tulisa’s nails loooooooool I’m finished with her smh

— anthony jeffrey (@AyJayy25) October 6, 2012

…and this week’s least informative TV review…

Watching strictly come dancing for the first time !!!!!I quite like it

— Jay bothroyd (@jaybothroyd) October 6, 2012

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! See you next week, folks!

Er, yeah.

Tune in every Tuesday for more Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner!