Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.
All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United
Hello everyone! I trust you are all well?
Lee Cattermole is captain for Sunderland.Red Cards:7Yellow Cards:73He is 24!Hello! Anybody home?#JuvaVG
— Jan Aage Fjortoft (@JanAageFjortoft) September 29, 2012
LOL! We haven’t even got going yet, Jan! But I don’t mind kicking off with a spot of gripe-airing as long as others are happy to share theirs.
How annoying is it.when you make a cup of tea with the last bit of milk,wait for it……….yep dropped the twat on the floor,smashed to Fook!!
— Don Hutchison (@donhutch4) September 28, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! We’ve all been there, my former West Ham team mate Don Hutchison. Why, just yesterday I accidentally dropped a bottle of garlic peri peri sauce in the bath. I’m still pretty discoloured and smelly, but it’s not as bad as the time I mistook it for my scalp cream – by the time I realised my mistake I’d massaged it in so thoroughly that next door’s dog sat on my head and refused to leave for at least a week.
I don’t know why I keep a bottle of peri peri by the bath, I really don’t. LOL!
Bruce! Is it true you’re launching a takeover bid for your old club Barnsley?
RT @barnsleyfcfans @bfc_official @andrewmurray36 @chrononlineWant 2know the ex-footballer who is interested in taking over BFC #NotMe LOL
— Bruce Dyer (@Bruce10Dyer) September 28, 2012
LOL! Why not, Bruce?
— Bruce Dyer (@Bruce10Dyer) September 28, 2012
Oh well, that’s fair enough. LOL! I stuck in a cheeky bid for Exeter City the other week. It came to naught but it led to a fascinating insight into the inner mechanics of football club ownership, and the vagaries of the negotiation process.
Where have you just come from, former Ipswich Town and Charlton Athletic midfielder Matt Holland?
Just had a chat with Chris Hughton. Difficult to wish him anything but good -such a nice bloke.
— Matt Holland (@mattholland8) September 29, 2012
I agree, Chris is a smashing bloke, and it’s nice to see someone getting along so well with a manager of Norwich City given Darren Huckerby’s somewhat fraught relations with one of his former bosses at Carrow Road…
“@quilts_1990: @hucks6dh6 Would you like to own a life sized Glen Roeder punching bag?”It burst lol
— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) September 28, 2012
LOL! It must have taken quite the pounding! I must say though that I was a big fan of Glenn’s when he managed me at Upton Park during the 2002/03 season. His public persona is quite dour but behind closed doors he was one of the funniest men I’ve ever known. “Tweety,” he used to say to me, “what the hell are you doing, lad?” It was the way he said it. You had to be there, I guess.
“Tweety,” he’d say, “What in the name of buggery was that?” LOL! LOLOLOL!!!
Oh, I’m hurting from laughter here! What hurts you, Spurs starlet Jake Nicholson?
Gervinhio’s hairline hurts me when I look at it. Feel sorry for him
— Jake Nicholson (@nicholson_jake) September 29, 2012
What?? I’d kill for a hairline like that! In my younger days I used to draw one on with…erm…what was it?…
Was it a pen?
— Tim Lovejoy (@timlovejoy) September 29, 2012
Yes, that was it! LOL! What a nincompoop I am! I’m not alone in having a derogatory nickname for myself, am I?
Just had a shocker! Vertonghen belgian not dutch tiss #doughnut
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) September 29, 2012
Thank goodness for that. I was beginning to think I was even more of a nincompoop than I’d first thought! At least I haven’t been sleep-presenting like former Norwich and Leicester City winger Darren Eadie…
“@starfishpv: Check out @eadie11 on local bbc news this am”Really? Didn’t know I was?
— Darren Eadie (@eadie11) October 4, 2012
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! I thought that weather girl was looking unusually masculine! To think, I laughed at Mrs Camera when she said, “Isn’t that former Norwich and Leicester City winger Darren Eadie presenting the weather, apparently while asleep?”
Where is it cos I can’t see it !! twitter.com/dani37pacheco/…
— Daniel Pacheco(@dani37pacheco) September 28, 2012
You won’t find him there, Dani. The production team guided him gently out of the studio and back to his bed – he was still pointing behind him and mumbling something about northwesterly winds. LOL!
@garethsouthgate won’t be needed 3 England internationals in front of me :)
—nigel Martyn (@nmartyn25) September 28, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! Footballer banter is my favourite kind of banter! LOLOLOL!!!
Ronaldo vs Messi. twitter.com/FootballFunnys…
— Sport Jokes (@FootballFunnys) October 1, 2012
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a great weekend, everyone!