This week on Jonny Forumer, Internet Hard Man v Football Writers on Twitter, Jonny takes on Ian Darke, Paul Kelso, Rob Shepherd and Ian Abrahams.

Allow me to introduce myself – I’m Jonny Forumer, Internet Hard Man, and I’ve just about had it up to here with football writers on twitter tweeting absolute twaddle. I’m sure to always give the bone-idle blerts a piece of my mind, which has proved instrumental in my retention of the Keyboard Warrior world title from 1998 through to the present day. Basically, you’d have to be a sodding lunatic to take me on.

In the mean time, yelp with affright as I lay siege to the following journalists…

Paul Kelso, Daily Telegraph

Abramovich is wearing a ‘Uefa Champions League’ coat Let it go Roman, let it go

— Paul Kelso (@pkelso) February 17, 2013

I bet you’d wear it forever more if you won the Champions League.

Berk.

Hello again everyone, good to be here.

Rob Shepherd, former Daily Express editor

Mancini will be sacked at end of season : #mcfc want Klopp mourinho or moyes

— Rob Shepherd (@robshepherd5) February 9, 2013

Yes, that sounds like the kind of easily believable thing that anyone could just make up on the spot to sucker the gullible into thinking they’re in the know. Only joking, Rob – I’m sure your source is impeccable.

No, really. I do.

You utter twonk.

Simon to launch new show : #Pope Idol to sort matters out

— Rob Shepherd (@robshepherd5) February 11, 2013

“Simon”? That’s so obsequious, especially to someone so odious, as to make me feel quite ill. Have you been to one of Simon’s parties, Rob? Did he make you listen to any of the poisonous guff that he insists on inflicting on us all?

Well, did he?

You cretinous creep.

Ian Darke, ESPN commentator

One of those nights for Liverpool or symbolic of deeper malaise?Poor defending for both goals.WBA defended excellently then took chances

— Ian Darke (@IanDarkeESPN) February 12, 2013

“Symbolic of deeper malaise”? Yeah, whatever.

You spoon.

Ian Abrahams, talkSPORT

Gareth Bale has just missed an open goal – unreal

— Ian Abrahams (@BroadcastMoose) February 14, 2013

He also missed one against Newcastle United just days before. So, you know: real.

Dog sick for brains, you.

Now sod off, the lot of you.

Tune in every Thursday for more from Jonny Forumer, Internet Hard Man vs Football Writers on Twitter!