Football Tweets of the Week: Mbia, Cole, Di Santo, Odemwingie and more!

Andrew Cole
Cole… Getting seriously checked out

“Tweets of the Week!”

“Beg pardon?”

“Football Tweets of the Week! Down there!”

“What the blazes are you…oh, I see. Thank you, kind sir – I could have had a nasty fall.”

“You’re welcome! Now go about your business!”

“What an odd fellow.”

Comedian of the Week

Russ Williams, comedian

Man Utd confirm there will be a minutes applause for Alex Ferguson in the 98th minute of this weekends game !

— Russ Williams (@RussComic) May 8, 2013

Comedian of the Week II

Del Boy Trotter, Trotters Independent Traders

Ryan Giggs has just turned down the Manchester United job. He said that he wishes to spend more time with his brothers family.

— Derek Trotter (@DelBoy_ofah) May 8, 2013

Parody Account of the Week

USA Soccer Guy

Bet Coach Moyles will be doing one of his Irish jigs now he’s gonna be the new Unity Coach. Lucky guy! #luckoftheirish #mufc #soccer #epl

— Soccer Guy (@usasoccerguy) May 8, 2013

@usasoccerguy His name is Moyes and he’s not Irish but Scottish.

— Dougie (@DougieMacM) May 8, 2013

“@dougiemacm: @usasoccerguy His name is Moyes and he’s not Irish but Scottish.” Thanks buddy! Have a real sweet day!

— Soccer Guy (@usasoccerguy) May 8, 2013

Classic Literature of the Week

Wayne Rooney’s autobiography, p131. “‘You’ve been eating too many f****** McDonald’s!’ Moyes screamed at me. I protested it wasn’t true”

— Sam Wallace (@SamWallaceIndy) May 8, 2013

Squabble of the Week

Andrew Cole, ex-Manchester United, and Newcastle United fans

Can’t believe the boss has retired, greatman great manager gonna miss him shouting cole. Only manager to have got the best out of me.

— Andrew Cole (@vancole9) May 8, 2013

@vancole9 Wat bout keegan at the toon when u scored more goals than u did in any other season u tool… Oh that was just beardsley feeding u

— Greg O’ Grady (@Greglovesdatoon) May 8, 2013

@greglovesdatoon tool look at yourself first bell.

— Andrew Cole (@vancole9) May 8, 2013

@vancole9 aprt from kevin keegan made 1.25 mill bristol city or u wld ov still been a no body u fukin taitieee

— Bullock (@stephenbullock9) May 8, 2013

@stephenbullock9 first get the fee right 2nd thing stop talking rubbish as you are upsetting yourself.

— Andrew Cole (@vancole9) May 9, 2013

@vancole9 not really upsetting me self but a did cry wen u left us but then we got the best english striker that has ever live #Shearer

— Bullock (@stephenbullock9) May 9, 2013

@stephenbullock9 well that’s the way u feel, happy for .

— Andrew Cole (@vancole9) May 9, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Stephen Bullock, please see me for an urgent English lesson.

Written Apparently in All Seriousness of the Week

Adam Cummins, Motherwell

Hope we don’t lose Brendan Rodgers to united

— Adam Cummins(@AdamCummo4) May 8, 2013

Edit: it seems we were wrong on this one…

@footballburp do you think my tweet about Rodgers was serious?

— Adam Cummins(@AdamCummo4) May 10, 2013

Apologies to Adam and anyone else this may have affected.

Tease of the Week

Neville Southall, ex-Everton

Get mike walker back

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) May 9, 2013

Must go now bills on the phone

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) May 9, 2013

Caused a Spot of Bother of the Week

Stephane Mbia, Queens Park Rangers

So… Seriously @joey7barton do you want rechange your seat with me ? #qpr #om .

— Stephane Mbia (@StephaneMbia) May 6, 2013

Bright Sparks of the Week

These guys

Why does Messi not get into the Spain squad?

— KeirenRenton⭐ (@keek95) May 8, 2013

“@keek95: Why does Messi not get into the Spain squad?”because he is Brazilian !

— grahamliddell (@grahamliddell15) May 8, 2013

Clive Tyldesley Wet Dream of the Week

Andrew Cole, ex-Manchester United

Just watching the champion league semi juve Man U , what a class game, shit was it really 99 that, feels like yesterday .⚽

— Andrew Cole (@vancole9) May 7, 2013

Celebrations of the Week

Cardiff City

Anybody else feel slightly worse for wear?

— Fraizer Campbell (@FraizerCampbell) May 6, 2013

“@fraizercampbell: Anybody else feel slightly worse for wear?” Cant speak

— Aron Gunnarsson (@AronGunnarsson1) May 6, 2013

What a day and what a night twitter.com/AronGunnarsson…

— Aron Gunnarsson (@AronGunnarsson1) May 6, 2013

Accolade of the Week

Hal Robson-Kanu, Reading

“@readingfc: No midfielder has scored more goals in a top flight season for #readingfc than @robsonkanu (7) bit.ly/18LvhrW#Boom

— Hal Robson-Kanu (@RobsonKanu) May 6, 2013

Cosying Up of the Week

Lloyd Owusu, White City

U get my direct message bro @michaelessien

— LloydOwusu(Official) (@LloydOwusu) May 6, 2013

@lloydowusu @michaelessien Loydy stop pretending u know him

— andrew hughes (@Andrew10dog) May 6, 2013

LPQLRP of the Week

Franco Di Santo, Wigan Athletic

Crucial week for the team, we need you more than ever.. Together like always we will do it again .. Come on Wigan lpqlrp!!!! Positive 100%

— Franco Di Santo (@fdisanto9) May 6, 2013

BANTER! of the Week

Ross McCormack, Leeds United and Luciano Becchio, ex-Leeds United (now Norwich City)

Never go back!!!!!!

— Ross McCormack (@Rossmccormack44) May 7, 2013

@rossmccormack44 shhhhhhhh

— Luciano Becchio (@becchioluciano) May 7, 2013

@becchioluciano haha u big argentine pussy… U booked in for a blow dry tomorrow

— Ross McCormack (@Rossmccormack44) May 7, 2013

@rossmccormack44 big ass shut up ;)

— Luciano Becchio (@becchioluciano) May 7, 2013

Fame of the Week

Ross McCormack, Leeds United

When people shout “ross” u turn around and say how u doing mate and then they don’t say anything. Does my tits in that!!

— Ross McCormack (@Rossmccormack44) May 8, 2013

Bizarre Exchange of the Week

Barnet goalkeeper Graham Stack and some kid pretending to be Yakubu

“@yakubufacts: @grahamstack1 RT if you think you could save one of my thunder penalties! Good Luck I am strong” probably catch it pal

— Graham Stack (@GrahamStack1) May 7, 2013

“Still Mad As a Box of Frogs, Then” of the Week

Peter Odemwingie, West Bromwich Albion

The story I just made out of this picture is so funny but its like a good sermon. Will write it one day. twitter.com/OdemwingieP/st…

— Peter Odemwingie (@OdemwingieP) May 9, 2013

Thought for the Day of the Week

Lee Angol, Wycombe Wanderers

Being thirsty then drinking is better than being hungry then eating

— Lee Angol (@AngolLee) May 9, 2013

Nonsensical Advice of the Week

Frazer Shaw, West Ham United

Never let your imagination be limited because your experiences

— Frazer Shaw (@FrazerCW) May 9, 2013

Sudden Dawning Realisation of the Week

Lying in bed watching come dine with me on my phone- what am I doing?!!

— Ben Davies (@BenDavies1108) May 9, 2013

“I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again” of the Week

Nile Ranger, ex-Newcastle United

Just realised. A lot of people wana see me FAIL.. But I just sit down and think how talented I am. And i thank god.. No1 can stop my dream !

— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) May 9, 2013

“Now Who’s Laughing?” of the Week

Jake Jervis, Elazığspor

Gives me jokes that people that use to think they were badman when they where young still doing same thing now on road making no money #lost

— Jake ‘Mario’ Jervis (@JJervis20) May 9, 2013

Acid Trip of the Week

Paul Linwood, Chester

One fuzzy duck, two brown bears, three running hares, 4 Neil youngs.

— paul linwood (@lindog83) May 6, 2013

Mistaken Identity of the Week

Niall McGinn, Aberdeen

“@jacobdfc: @nmcginn10 you fucking cheating scum do you have any respect for football? diving cunt” I took penalty wasn’t fouled for it #egg

— Niall McGinn (@nmcginn10) May 6, 2013

@nmcginn10 ok fair enough but your celebration? proper dick.

— jacob (@jacobdfc) May 6, 2013

Montage of the Week

Lyle Taylor, Falkirk

What a weekend! twitter.com/lyletaylor29/s…

— Lyle Taylor (@lyletaylor29) May 6, 2013

Ex-Pros of the Week

Craig Hignett and Nicky Eaden, ex-Barnsley

Can you send me the number of the bloke who did your hip replacement Higgy? #hipsarescreaming!

— Nicky Eaden (@Eaden2) May 6, 2013

@eaden2 haha, it’s all those crosses you whipped in pal !! I’m unable to move !!

— Craig Hignett (@higs8) May 6, 2013

@higs8 surely the sweet spot on your right foot is ok! #premierleaguetechnique!

— Nicky Eaden (@Eaden2) May 6, 2013

@eaden2 ha, that’s always ok but no good with #sundayleaguelegs

— Craig Hignett (@higs8) May 6, 2013

Irrelevant Question of the Week

Mike Parry, ex-talkSPORT

Ronnie O’Sullivan gets a cheque for £250k for winning World Championship. Rooney gets the same cheque EVERY week. Who’s better at their job?

— Mike Parry (@mikeparry8) May 6, 2013

Regret of the Week

Hope Akpan, Reading

Gutted I ate those 4 Krispy kremes.

— Hope Akpan (@HopeAkpan) May 8, 2013

TV Burp of the Week

Jake Howells, Luton Town

Did I really just hear some girl say ‘stay out my beef’ on emmerdale put me off my dinner #changechannel

— jake howells(@jakehowells) May 8, 2013

Tune in on Monday for our Football Tweets of the Weekend!