Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant’s School of Grammar: Benteke, McManaman, Boyce, Matterface

Jermaine PedantFootball Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.

Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

Christian Benteke

The Aston Villa sensation had some wise words for his followers…

Live your life, not other guys life. stop worry who has twitter and watch football or enjoy time on sun. Obsessions to much #believedat

— Chris Benteke (@1Benteke) May 5, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… …at least they would be wise words were they not littered with grammatical inaccuracies.

My attentions may strike as being somewhat harsh on account of this being Christian’s first season in the Premier League; however, I reason that the more goals you’re scoring, the more diligent you should aspire to be in writing.

Hello, everyone. I regret to inform you that I’ll be going on sabbatical for a while, although I shall be making the occasional cameo in the tweets of the week(end) round-ups. It’s going to be a little bit like my recent sabbatical from Stoke City.

Callum McManaman

The Wigan Athletic winger was commending the Latics fans who travelled to the 3-2 win at West Brom…

Fans where quality today

— callum mcmanaman (@cm_macca) May 4, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… That’s where you’re wrong: they were.

Chortle! I do make myself chuckle on occasion.

Emmerson Boyce

The Wigan Athletic defender was also grateful for the support…

We just past a red van with a Wigan flag in the back window, Safe journey back. Thanks for the support

— Emmerson Boyce (@EmmersonBoyce) May 4, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… The past participle of pass is ‘passed’.

Repeat that one hundred times.

Noel Hunt

The Reading striker could scarcely believe Bayern Munich’s dismantling of Barcelona in the Champions League…

Ohhh my god here’s something ya won’t hear me say to often!!! Barca Battered off the park at home!!! What am I seen!!!

— Noel Hunt (@boyhunt) May 1, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… A more pertinent question might have addressed not what you were seeing but writing and/or thinking.

See me.

Sam Matterface

The Sky Sports presenter was hitting back at some dissenters…

I love that if you tell it like you see it and criticise a club – automatically you are bias. No, Arsenal just aren’t that good.

— Sam Matterface (@sammatterface) May 4, 2013

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says… Did you mean to say that you’re biased, or were you indeed purporting to be the concept of bias itself? That would be a bold claim indeed.

I should endeavour to correct you but I fear my professionalism has abandoned me on this occasion. Such has been the upheaval in my life of late: the unsuccessful loan spell at Wolves, getting let go by Stoke and now Football Burp have demoted me from Professor to ‘unspecified role’. It’s galling, I tell you.

Class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!