Yer Makin’ a Holy Show of Yerselves, Roars Pissed-Off Keane
- By Football Burp
Former Manchester United captain Roy Keane has blasted the Republic of Ireland’s team and supporters for “gettin’ all banjaxed up and makin’ a holy show of themselves, the feckin’ gobaloons”.
The travelling Irish fans were in fine voice despite watching their side go down 4-0 to an inspired Spain, but Keane, borderline psychotic, was unimpressed with what he was witnessing from the comfort of his ITV studio.
He seethed: “Look at them all through the darkness I am bringing – they’re not sad at all, they’re actually singing!”
Grabbing Adrian Chiles by the collar, he continued: “They sing without attacking threat. They sing without defensive organisation. They sing without quality, pedigree or even the right kind of sandwiches!
“Scutterin’ gobsheens, the lot of them. When I played for Ireland, I was so committed to winning that I stopped playing for Ireland. You just don’t see that kind of passion in the current lot.
“Who’s phone is that? Is that your phone going off? Aren’t you going to turn it off? What do you mean it is off? What am I hearing, then?”
He added: “Does this train go to Kilkenny? BEEEEEP! Madam, your dog smells exquisite. SCREEEEEEE!”