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Liverpool sign Southampton

New Liverpool signing Southampton
Southampton… New challenge (Image: Colin Smith)

Liverpool have signed Southampton for an undisclosed fee, it has been confirmed.

The fee, disclosureless, is believed to be between fifty and one hundred and fifty billion pounds, smashing the record £80.25m fee that Bayern Munich paid for Borussia Dortmund last summer.

Reds boss Brendan Rodgers moved quickly to splash out on Saints in the wake of Luis Suárez’s imminent move to Barcelona.

Southampton had of course been previously co-owned by north London giants Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur, who had exclusive bitching rights to the south coast club in a deal similar to that held between Manchester United and Everton before it all blew up spectacularly in the former’s face.

Other recent instances of clubs buying other clubs have not gone well – Queens Park Rangers were relegated after splashing out £30.5m on Tottenham Hotspur Reserves, who had previously been purchased by Portsmouth on their way to relegation in 2010.

Norwich City met a similar fate after purchasing Leeds United for £3.75m, while Blorxpool Ubrited were famously obliterated by Flartians after lashing out 873,000 kluxberquiums on FC Qualaxyquazz.

Writing exclusively to Football Burp, a pedant pointed out the inaccuracies contained within the above text.

He scribbled: “‘In the wake of Luis Suárez’s imminent move’? How can anything be in the wake of something imminent?

“I mean, I suppose the state of imminence could be considered in the past tense given how it’s rumbled on tediously of late, but I don’t think you thought of that.

“And I can’t believe you’d sack off a bit of extra research just because it’s the weekend and make up team names like FC Qualaxyquazz thinking no-one would notice or at least call you up on it.

“You’re an idiot. I want to read something else.”

NOW: Read something else!