Football shall today be back again, thank God, we can exclusively reveal.
The game, beautiful, had been sorely missed by everyone on Earth during a gruelling 48-hour stretch of World Cup-lessness – but now it’s as returned as the Mack, Jedi and Space Cowboy all rolled into one.
Thank God for that.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Lord God Almighty Himself told us to just relax and enjoy today’s momentous double header of France v Germany and Brazil v Colombia.
He boomed: “It’s sheer football sex, isn’t it?
“You don’t have to keep thanking Me, you’re all very welcome to it.
“In fact I’ll do you one better – nay, two better – and throw in Argentina v Belgium and Holland v Costa Rica as well.
“Are you free tomorrow? I’ll schedule those last two games for tomorrow if you’re free.
Jesus was unavailable for comment as he was busy standing on a hill with his arms outstretched.