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Jonathan Pearce goal-line technology confusion confuses millions

Specialist World Cup docs diagnose "Clarke Carlisle syndrome".

By Jonny Abrams

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Jonathan Pearce, star of the Jonathan Pearce goal-line technology confusion
Pearce… Flummoxed (Image: Egghead06)

It’s the Jonathan Pearce goal-line technology confusion that’s had everyone scratching their heads, and specialist World Cup doctors are diagnosing it as a case of “Clarke Carlisle syndrome”.

Erstwhile Countdown contestant and Burnley centre-back Carlisle had cited the absence of Colombia striker Jackson Martinez as evidence of Ecuador’s strength in depth while co-commentating for ITV on their last-gasp defeat to Switzerland yesterday.

MORE: Jackson Martinez is Colombian, confirms Jackson Martinez

Doctors had already warned of strong concentrations of idiocy and irony in the air when England physio Gary Lewin managed to injure himself tripping over a water bottle celebrating Daniel Sturridge’s goal against Italy and had to be stretchered off.

Yesterday’s Jonathan Pearce goal-line technology confusion erupted when France striker Karim Benzema hit the post in his side’s 3-0 win over Honduras, the ball then cannoning back across the line, hitting the goalkeeper’s arse and trickling over the line despite the best efforts of a desperately scooped glove.

As a nation sat in full comprehension of unfurling events, stalwart BBC commentator Pearce worked himself into apoplexy at the goal-line technology declaring the initial post-hitting shot not to have been a goal.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, special World Cup doctors explained why Pearce had not had the presence of mind to wait for the verdict on the immediately ensuing arsebounce-linecross incident, which unsurprisingly to those who’d witnessed replays was declared a goal.

They chorused: “Confusion in the stadium was attributable to the crowd’s lack of access to instant replays.

“If Pearce also had access to TV replays, and commentating for the BBC you’d presume he would, then we can only link his confusion to Clarke Carlisle syndrome.

“Granted both incidents occurred in the same day, but Clarke’s happened first so he gets the syndrome.”

MORE: Jackson Martinez is Colombian, confirms Jackson Martinez