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Gus Poyet sacked live on TV, chucked out of back door into some trashcans

By Jonny Abrams

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Gus Poyet
Brighton will now change their name to Gusless Wanderers (Image: James Boyes)

Oh my goodness did you see Gus Poyet sacked live on TV, I mean bloody hell, it has been mooted.

The Poyet, Uruguayanananan, was relieved of his duties as manager of Brighton and Hove Albion during the BBC’s coverage of the Confederations Cup, which this weekend saw Neymar’s free kick defeat Mario Balotelli’s free kick in a genuinely epic lightsabre duel.

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Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Poyet declared himself “bloody livid” that the BBC then ordered a burly security guard to literally throw him out of the back door into some trashcans in an alleyway with an emphatic “…and stay out!”.

He said: “What’s that thing he does with his hands when he says ‘…and stay out!’?

“Is he rubbing his hands together or clapping? Or is he trying to dust his hands of my perceived dirt?

“Is it because I hail from Uruguay? I think that it is. That’s well racist.

“I’m outta here. You need me more than I need you. Goodnight, folks.”

In a statement, the burly bouncer claimed that there was no racial slant to his chucking Poyet out the back door into some trashcans in an alleyway with an emphatic “…and stay out!”.

It read: “I’m a cartoon stereotype – that’s what I do.

“As for the clappy hand rub thing, I don’t know what that is, really. I saw another cartoon burly bouncer doing it and it just stuck.

“This really is desperate, isn’t it? If it wasn’t for the Confederations Cup, you’d be up gravy creek without a paddle. You’d have literally nothing to write about, except for Liverpool signing everyone.

“What actually else is happening right now? Victor Wanyama to Southampton: there you go, make a story out of that, you lazy swine.

“Come on, Football Burp, let’s see what you’ve got. You can’t do it, can you?

“I thought as much.”

He added: “****s.”

Here’s what really happened:

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