Everton badge to be replaced by child’s drawing of “moo cow”

Fake News » Everton badge to be replaced by child’s drawing of “moo cow”

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Everton badge
The new crest has divided opinion amongst fans

It has been confirmed that the Everton badge will make way for a crudely scribbled child’s drawing of a “moo cow”.

The drawing, sloppily coloured in, was designed by Luke, aged 6 and a half, from Wavertree and will adorn the Toffees’ kit as of the beginning of the 2013-14 season.

However, the new design has been met with widespread anger from Everton supporters, 20,000 of whom saw fit to put their names to an online petition perfunctorily entitled “Say No to Cow”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, fan’s union leader Colin Fitzpatrick pointed out that it doesn’t even look like a moo cow, because moo cows aren’t green and don’t have beaks.

He said: “The club have really dropped a ball on this one and I think they realise it.

“First they tried to move us to a new stadium in Cilla Black’s back garden, now this. You can’t just dispense of the club’s motto, its very identity, and expect people to sit back and take it.

“I used to gaze upon the club’s crest with pride, knowing that even if they couldnt be the best, it was always at least something we could strive for. ‘Nil satis nisi optimum’ – it wasn’t just a philosophy but an education from the School of Science itself.

“Instead, on this new design, there’s simply a caption reading ‘Mooooooooo!’, which I personally take issue with on a number of levels. For starters, cows really make more of a ‘Meeeerrrrhhh!’ sound, and the M is upside down so it actually reads ‘Wooooooooo!’

“How are we supposed to attract a new managaer of calibre and integrity if we can’t even get things like this right? Shame on you, Luke, aged 6 and a half, from Wavertree.”

When contacted by Burp, beleagured Everton CEO Robert Elstone defended the new crest, describing it as “charmingly rustic”.

He said: “A lot of people have complained about the colouring in as it is incomplete and frequently arcs out beyond the outline of the cow. However, I firmly believe this to have been the intention of Luke, aged 6 and a half, from Wavertree, who merely wished for those wayward spikes of crayon to reflect how much Everton Football Club is prepared to think outside the box, or in this case the cow.

“Luke sent us a number of designs – there was a sun wearing shades and sipping lemonade, and one of a T-rex eating a bus – and we unanimously agreed on the moo cow as a fitting reflection of where we are at now as a football club.”

When asked if the design contract would come out of the new manager’s summer transfer budget, Elstone paused for a moment before scampering off, slamming shut a taxi door and flying off in an aeroplane.

Everton chairman Bill Kenwright said: “We are delighted to confirm that Roberto Martinez will be given free rein of the fridge, except for the stuff on the top shelf.”

In other news, Leighton Baines, Marouane Fellaini, Phil Jagielka, Steven Pienaar, Ross Barkley, Leon Osman and Kevin Mirallas have joined Manchester United for a combined fee of “more Nevilles and Sahas, ta”.

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