Bournemouth chairman still sleeping, says pal

Fake News » Bournemouth chairman still sleeping, says pal

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Mitchell...incorrect score prediction

Bournemouth chairman Eddie Mitchell is still sleeping off his hangover and most likely remembers nothing about the weekend just gone, a pal confirmed.

In the aftermath of Saturday’s 3-0 defeat at home to erstwhile FA Cup semi-finalists Chesterfield, Mitchell reacted angrily to supporters who were reacting angrily to his clinical dismantling of a side that reached the League One playoffs last season.

This sparked an angry reaction from the Seward Stadium faithful, one of whom was invited onto the pitch by Mitchell to sing a karaoke duet of the Frank and Nancy Sinatra classic “Somethin’ Stupid”, and the former Dorchester Town owner also faces sanctions over his failure to offer each fan a glass of sherry in exchange for their time.

A source close to Mitchell said: “He’s still in bed, all tuckered out. He had a lot of excitement this weeked so I made him a nice, hot mug of Ovaltine and told him to sleep it off.

“I should stress that he paid for the Ovaltine off his own back, as he did for the round of drinks he shared with Lee Bradbury while they were discussing defensive acquisitions a few weeks ago.

“Six goals against in the last two games suggests that they made the wrong decision in plumping for the vintage pinball machine instead, however endlessly entertaining its multiball function may be.

“And it is.”

The pal continued: “Frankly, I’m dreading him eventually getting up and asking me what happened and did he do anything stupid. Last week I had to tell him in quite traumatising detail about how he threw up all inside the Cherry Bear outfit during a particularly seedy romp with a Romanian gymnast.

“But at least that wasn’t all over YouTube. He’s going to be mortified when he sees himself staggering about the pitch, being shepherded about by a gaggle of petrified stewards and threatening to kill the first born of every Bournemouth-supporting family in existence, or at the very least sell them to Charlton Athletic.

“My heart was in my mouth when Eddie called out, in his own words, to ‘the lad in the leather jacket whose eyes seem to be popping out of his head’ and practically offered to fight him, but fortunately there was so much confusion as to which of the thousand-or-so bulgy-eyed, leather jacket-wearing lads he was talking to that the situation quickly defused itself.

“You know, I’ve heard of picking cherries, but you might say that Eddie was picking a fight with Cherries.”

He added: “Well, the wife thought that was clever, so f**k you.”

The whole damn caboodle…

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