City CEO cleared of Onuoha unpleasantness

Thomas...no relation (Image credit: psgmag.net)

Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook has been cleared of sending an offensive email to Nedum Onuoha’s agent after a masked man owned up to hacking into his account in order to “spread chaos and destruction”.

Dr Anthonia Onuoha, who doubles up as the player’s mother, had accused Cook of accidentally sending her an email intended for City’s Football Administration Officer Brian Marwood in which he appeared to make light of her battle against cancer during contract negotiations pertaining to her son.

However, Cook’s efforts to pin the blame on some manner of prankster looked to be justified after the man, masked, told a hastily-arranged press conference that he was not only responsible for the wicked deed but that he also plans to “strike again”.

He said: “It was I who hacked into Garry Cook’s email account with the intention of bringing about the downfall of Manchester City.

“For years I have plotted to pose as the club’s CEO in order to upset an out-of-favour player’s mother, while making the whole thing look like an unfortunate accident in which nothing particularly outrageous was said by anyone involved.

“Now I have succeeded, I shall turn my attentions towards hacking into Pablo Zabaleta’s Facebook and changing his sexual orientation, as well as ordering seventeen large Hawaiian pizzas to James Milner’s house.

“James hates pineapple on pizza. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”

He added: “Oh yeah, and I signed Jo.”

When Burp emailed Dr Onuoha to ask why she decided to bring this incident to light some ten months on from when it actually happened, she replied saying: “Hello Mr Joorabchian. What shall I tell these guys?”

She later added: “Oops.”