Arsenal’s sensational £40,000,001 bid for Liverpool false 9 Luis Suárez was topped up with the pound coin thrown at them by Jamie Carragher, it has been confirmed.
The coin, worth one hundred pence, was hurled back at Arsenal supporters by an irate Carragher during a 2002 FA Cup match at Highbury, an incident the defender escaped being charged for when he threatened FA officials with a ruddy good going over from some of his gangster mates.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Gunners boss Arsène Wenger thanked Carragher for the contribution to his transfer kitty, pointing out that every little helps during times of austerity.
He said: “I’ve been sitting on £40m for about eight years now, so when we learned of Luis’s release clause there was a desperate scramble to find the extra money it would take to land him.
“That’s when it hit me – the coin, that is. Jamie came back to throw it again when he got wind of our interest.
“He’s moved into the hired goon trade now that he’s hung up his boots – it has always been a great passion of is, I am told – but in retrospect he should probably have thrown a brick at my door instead.
“It’s early days for him as a gangster and I’m sure he’ll adapt. It’s a learning curve but I thought he showed great promise when he shoved that poop through David Thompson’s letterbox all those years ago.
“I’m sure Jen Chang learned a lot from that. We all did, I think.”
Wenger confirmed that Liverpool had rejected the initial bid for Suárez but indicated that Arsenal were readying a second offer of £40,000,001.50.
He said: “Take that, you ****s.”
This article was based around a joke made by Slint on The People’s Forum.