Bale, a Welsh, branded Adam “a coward” after the Scottish man yet again tried to kick him in twain on a football pitch – but Adam(‘s agent) was in no mood to take the broadside lying down, pointing out that Bale is a “smelly poo-poo head” and that he “eats the poo-poo from off his own head” on a regular basis.
This latest high-profile dispute between two Premier League players is sure to go sodding bananas when Brendan Rogers’s Reds travel to White Hart Lane on November 28th, by which time Adam will have become the second top flight player after Wolverhampton Wanderers midfielder Karl Henry to be sponsored by Acme Corporation.
Adam(‘s agent) said: “I am delighted to announce that Charlie will be sponsored by Acme Corporation – in our opinion the world’s finest manufacturers of hilariously backfiring hunting accessories – for the 2012/13 season.
“Charlie and I spent yesterday trying out their anvils, artificial rocks, exploding tennis balls and of course their patented Do-It-Yourself Tornado kit, and we cannot overstate how impressed we were by just how hilariously they backfired on us each time.
“Bale or indeed any other Spurs players can say what they like – we’ve been hatching a plan involving nitroglycerin, a giant rubber band and, for reasons I can’t quite remember, a box of toothpicks.
“There’s very little you can do about that other than run like hell and then spin around to witness whatever manner of humorously unforeseen catastrophe befalls Charlie on that particular occasion.”
Adam was unavailable for comment as he was busy falling of a cliff with a forlorn expression on his face.