It’s the Arsène Wenger apology that’s got everyone scoffing, and it’s led to the Arsenal manager having to pour scorn on rumours that he’s an FA informant.
The Frenchman, French, had initially dismissed his recent touchline tussle with Chelsea boss José Mourinho by shrugging in typically Gallic fashion and using an ancient Eric Cantona literary trope to illustrate that he had nothing to apologise for.
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His subsequent apology – or U-turn, if you like – sparked speculation that Wenger has escaped punishment by the FA in exchange for his full cooperation in “grassing up” rival managers with a little too much to say for themselves.
The FA had launched investigations into mutterings that Premier League bosses had been expressing dissent in the form of “thinly veiled” accusations of bias on the part of top flight referees.
Word soon spread of a plot to overthrow the powers that be and forming a new league without any referees where they can get straight down to the business of awarding the three points to whichever team has more money.
This premise, it is thought, will save “a lot of bother”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Wenger denied everything, even his own existence, thus rendering himself immaterial.
He said: “Enough already with the ‘Wenger apology’ headlines.
“Do you want me to turn up dead behind some bins with a dead rat in my mouth?
“Anyway, none of it’s true. I’m not even a real person.”
He added: “…”