Villas-Boas Eyes Chelsea Pension

Andre Villas-Boas
Villas-Boas: Pension

Under-fire Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas insists he will stand by his aging stars, even after a 2-1 reversal to Liverpool yesterday condemned the Blues to back-to-back defeats at Stamford Bridge for the first time in the Roman Abramovich era.

Questions have been asked about the Portuguese’s decision to persist with the underperforming likes of Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Nicolas Anelka and Jon Obi Mikel, while the failure to equip David Luiz with a satellite navigation system has cost the side a number of goals so far this season.

However, Villas-Boas remains adamant that the best way to emerge from the current rut is to continue picking the very players that dug it, even if it costs him his job.

When asked if it was time for a fresh approach, he said: “No.”

When asked why not, he shrugged and said: “Dunno.”

When asked if now would be a good time to start blooding the likes of Josh McEachran and Oriol Romeu, he said: “No need. Essien back soon.”

When asked if he knew how much money he stands to make by getting the sack, he merely winked and said: “Carlo Ancelotti just sent me a postcard from Disneyland.”

Guus Hiddink’s wife told Football Burp that the Dutchman was not available for comment as he was busy attempting to lobotomise himself in the garden shed.