Villa Fans Set to Write Screenplay, Learn Chinese

Aston Villa fans quote Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau... Saw this coming

Aston Villa supporters have decided to finally have a go at writing that screenplay they’ve always had in mind but never found the time for.

As Alex McLeish’s side were clawed back into the relegation battle by last night’s dismal 2-1 defeat at home to Bolton Wanderers, the Villa Park faithful thought that now might be a good time to start learning a new language, maybe Chinese or Arabic, or something like that.

After seeing Trotters striker David Ngog consign the Villans to their worst season of home form in the club’s 138-year history, fans of the Midlands giants stayed behind after the final whistle to chant in unerring unison: “Oh, look. We all told you the season would end up like this, didn’t we? I mean, what’s the f**king point? Why don’t you, Randy Lerner, just take the turd that you curled out all over our dreams and appoint it manager? We really wouldn’t be any worse off.

“You know what, you can stick your season ticket renewal form, I’m going to spend my weekends gardening from now on. It’ll help me relax and might even put another ten years on my life. It could be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

A disappointed McLeish said: “Yes, I heard what the fans were chanting. From an aesthetic point of view, I thought their synchronicity and enunciation were first class, but they let themselves down with that song about Mr Lerner being a ‘Machiavellian shyster hell-bent on running our proud club into the very ground in which our hopes and dreams our now buried, with a stake driven through their collective metaphorical heart, like so many lost summers of yore and love unrequited’.

“I mean, the lyrics were great, but it was a little bit over the top.”

Speaking to Football Burp, every Villa fan in the world said: “Every man casts a shadow – not his body only, but his imperfectly mingled spirit. This is his grief. Let him turn which way he will, it falls opposite to the sun – short at noon, long at eve. Did you never see it?”

They added: “Henry David Thoreau, in case you were wondering. That’s what losing at home to Bolton twice in the same season will do to you.

“I was bang into Danny Wallace during the Martin O’Neill years, but now I find his self-consciously ‘wacky’ antics rather irksome.”