Today’s England squad now the leading cause of depression in the UK

Samaritans on high alert for forthcoming games against Germany and Lithuania.

James Ward-Prowse is in the England squad to play Germany and Lithuania
JWP: Jib Walcott? Please! (Image: @cfcunofficial/Chelsea Debs)

Gareth Southgate’s England squad for the games against Germany and Lithuania is now the leading cause of depression in the UK.

On a day in which France omitted Benzema, Lacazette, Coman and Martial from their squad, England fans were alarmed by the inclusion of James Ward-Prowse, Jake Livermore and a kid who happened to be passing by at the time.

As a result, today’s England squad has now leapfrogged destitution, heartbreak, Katie Hopkins and supporting Sunderland as the single leading cause of depression in Great Britain.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve, a destitute and heartbroken Sunderland fan from Sunderland, expressed his dismay in no uncertain terms.

He bemoaned: “I’d just spent an ill-advised ten minutes scrolling through Katie Hopkins’s Twitter timeline when I saw the squad announced.

“Never in my life have I succumbed so physically to such a sudden crushing malaise. I literally collapsed to the ground and vomited tears.

“But seriously, I thought Luke Shaw was dead.”