Luis Suárez is now sufficiently awe-inspiring to excuse all the biting, cheating and racism, it has been unanimously agreed upon.
The Liverpool false 9, an Aquarius, wowed onlookers with four startling goals and an assist in Wednesday night’s 5-1 demolition of Norwich City at Anfield.
It took the Uruguayan’s person tally against the Canaries to 137 goals in just four appearances, smashing Didier Drogba’s 112 against Arsenal to claim the record for most goals scored by one player against a single team.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one onlooker stopped wowing for just long enough to opine that Suárez is now entitled to the same level of blind-eye-turning afforded to the likes of Ryan Giggs.
He said: “Wow! Just…wow!
“Consider the likes of Ryan Giggs, of whom I consider Ryan Giggs to be a prime example.
“He spent eight years secretly having it off with his brother’s missus, but no one really gives a shiny one because he’s won 13 Premier Leagues, two Champions Leagues and played in the top flight since Dylan went electric.
“Suárez’s goals were so gosh darn entertaining to watch that I frankly couldn’t give two hoots if he bit my mum in a really racist way and then dived to the ground waving an imaginary yellow card.
“Let it be known here and now that I would not hesitate to book my mum in the circumstances.”
John Terry was not available for comment as he was busy practising free kicks, overhead kicks and forty-yard screamers.