Suarez A Bit Like Candyman, Explains Dalglish

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez lying on the ground.
Suarez... Doesn't reflect well (Image courtesy of Danny Molyneux)

Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish has confirmed that controversial striker Luis Suarez is able to look at himself in the mirror before going to bed.

The Uruguayan was subjected to chants of “cheat” by Fulham fans after appealing for a penalty during the Reds’ 1-0 defeat at Craven Cottage last night, and was then caught on camera fingering the Cottagers with evident relish.

Although Suarez’s latest antics have provoked disgruntled letter-writing and mild killing sprees up and down the country, Dalglish took exception with widespread insinuations that his player has no reflection in mirrors due to having no soul.

The Scottish man said: “These accusations are nonsense and we shall seek to protect Luis from them as best we can.

“At the end of the day, Luis can summon himself into a mirror simply by fixing his gaze on it and saying his name three times.

“Don’t believe me? Summon him at home yourself and ask him. G’wan, ya bottle merchant.”

He added: “How d’ya think he shaves? Geeza brek, pal.”