Rodgers confirms he was being sarcastic all along

Reds boss Brendan Rodgers
Rodgers… Had you going there (Img: Bernard Chan)
Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has expressed bewilderment at others’ failure to realise that his assessments of recent Reds performances have been entirely sarcastic.

Rodgers, gravelly voiced, was widely quoted describing his side’s 1-0 win over Southampton at Anfield as “sensational”, the latest in a string of remarkably glowing appraisals in the wake of another underwhelming result.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Rodgers stated his amazement at people’s inability to detect the irony in his intonation, though he acknowledged the lack of subtext inherit in the printed word as a possible stumbling block, along with his weird not-quite-Scottish-not-quite-Northern-Irish accent.

He said: “I suppose you also thought I was being serious when I explained every unsatisfactory result away with a bullet-point slideshow of gripes ranging from refereeing incompetence to Europa-rooted jadedness.

“Command can be lonely, so one has to do what one must to keep entertained. In my case, this was seeing how far I could push the gratuitous praise-doling before someone clocked.

“I thought one or two might have caught on when I described the 0-0 draw at Swansea City as ‘bloody poetry’, but I suppose they might have been dazzled by the sheer scale of my philosophy and lost their bearings perception-wise.

“Would you like to see it? My philosophy that is. It’s 180 pages long, and it’s the only thing I can trust in life. Except for myself, course.

“Oh, hang on, the wife might see this. My family too, I trust my family.”

He added: “And the fans, don’t forget about the fans.

“Gotta trust those fans.”