Pearson strangles ostrich in anguish

Throttles bird in controversial reaction to losing job as Leicester manager

Nigel Pearson strangles an ostrich, of all the things
THROTTLED: Bird (Image: Nicor)

Nigel Pearson strangles what he wants, when he wants, as has been proved once again to be the case when he throttled an ostrich in response to losing his job as Leicester City manager.

The intense man, intense, can rightfully claim to have been the victim of a shock sacking having ultimately guided the Foxes to Premier League safety so comfortably you could sleep in it.

Relations between the Foxes and Pearson were originally soured when they sacked him a few months ago, only to quickly reinstate him with nary a word as to the meaning of it all.

And they were recently soured anew when they sacked his son James for taking part in a racist sex tape, which perversely is kind of a cool band name.

Now they’ve gone and sacked Pearson apparently for good, with eyewitness accounts reporting he:

  • STORMED out of the King Power stadium shouting “where’s an ostrich? Someone find me an ostrich”
  • GRABBED the first ostrich presented to him and strangled it
  • STORMED away again saying “don’t tell anyone I just strangled an ostrich”

Steve, an eyewitness account from Leicestershire, told of how a fearsome Pearson unleashed his rage on the bird.

He said: “It was brutal, like Homer strangling Bart crossed with someone kicking a cat. A cat made of bird.

“He might have orchestrated 8 wins in the last 10 games but you can’t be doing things like that as a manager.

“Obviously Nigel strangling the ostrich came after he was sacked by Leicester, but even if he was unlucky to lose his job before he strangled the ostrich he’s sure as hell deserving of it now.

“And there was that time he shot James McArthur out of a cannon.”

Police have warned that Nigel Pearson strangles indiscriminately throughout the self-concealing flightless bird community, so if you are one of those then do approach him with caution.

Contenders to replace Pearson include celebrity ex-manager Dave Bassett.