Next Spurs manager to be someone it shouldn’t be

Delusions of grandeur to dictate proceedings once again.

Daniel Levy mulling over the next Spurs manager
Levy… Trust him, he knows what he’s doing (Image: Doha Stadium Plus Qatar)

The next Spurs manager is set to once again be someone it quite clearly shouldn’t be, the habit of a lifetime has confirmed.

With Tim Sherwood’s managerial record no longer suffixed with “until present”, Tottenham Hotspur intend to live up to their own illustrious history of being the fall guys by ignoring any sensible candidate in favour of a wild stab in the dark at someone exotic sounding.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, club chairman Daniel Levy confirmed that David Moyes would not be considered for the job, even though Spurs are basically Everton with money and therefore Moyes seems a perfect fit.

He said: “Don’t be silly, Moyes is well and truly beneath us.

“Why would we want a decade’s worth of efficient, diligent work when there are so many fancy foreign names, ex-Spurs players and Directors of Football to fanny about with?

“Besides, I’ve grown to love sacking people – it’s a feeling of absolute power, just like getting £90m for a single player and squandering it all needlessly.

“With this in mind, the next Spurs manager needs to be a swarthy continental type with a penchant for falling out with someone animatedly every five minutes.

“If he plays a high defensive line and refuses to budge from it no matter what, all the better.”