Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has officially put the club up for sale, setting the asking price at a cool two hundred thousand pints.

The Sports Direct tycoon is bored with the stability currently engulfing the club and was talked out of bringing back Kevin Keegan and Joe Kinnear as joint managers.

He has now formally announced that he’ll accept a minimum of two hundred thousand pints, preferably premium lagers, ta.

He told Football Burp: “Clearly I’m not going to drink them all at once so I’d prefer it if any prospective buyer paid on the drip.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea – I could have the pints pumped into me intravenously through a drip. Yes, let’s do that.

“Newcastle just aren’t funny since I appointed the Spanish guy who just hasn’t had the hilarious meltdown I was somehow led to expect from him.

“And Dennis Wise is too busy sunning himself in Boca.”