Match of the Day have apologised for allowing former England strikers Alan Shearer and Michael Owen on air at the same time on Saturday night’s programme.
The top flight football television staple, 49, stood accused of exposing the public to potentially fatal levels of abject boredom – indeed, thousands of lives are thought to have been saved by Andre Marriner’s fascinating decision to award Chelsea a penalty against West Bromwich Albion.
However, Match of the Day went and pushed their luck by roping Shearer back in for Sunday’s edition of Match of the Day 2, a move which contravened all medical advice they’d received from medical advice experts.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, MOTD presenter Gary Lineker apologised for letting Owen and Shearer in the same room together, let alone actually speak and offer ‘opinions’.
Opinions proffered with the feigned enthusiasm of someone who’s just been issued a BBC directive comprising solely of the words “try to be more like Gary Neville, people like Gary Neville”.
“You know, highlight the marking and that.”
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, ah nuts we’ve done that bit already but then got sidetracked, okay here’s what he said.
He said: “I’m so sorry that Alan Shearer looks like an orange Weetabix.
“It’s not our fault that Alan looks like an orange Weetabix. It’s not Alan’s fault that Alan looks like an orange Weetabix.
“He just looks like an orange Weetabix.”
Alan Shearer was unavailable for comment as he was busy poring over a slow motion replay of his head being smothered with yoghurt and berries.