Hull has celebrated being named the UK’s City of Culture for 2017 by sacking a manager called Mike Phelan and replacing him with someone called Marco Silva.
The Yorkshire town, founded in the late 12th century by monks seeking a port to export wool from, has long been associated with Phil Brown and the smell of fish.
But this is all set to change after the local football team appointed the most exotically named applicant as successor to some guy with a boring and unrefined Irish name.
Tigers vice-chairman Ehab Allam said: “Hull’s the City of Culture now, for crying out loud – we can’t be having a manager called Mike.
“I’d say it would be like Stephen Fry driving a Robin Reliant if I knew what either of those things were.
“I could draw an Egyptian parallel but it would fly right over your heads.”
He added: “Oh, and the club’s called Hull City Cufflinks now.
“If you don’t like it, kill yourself.”